I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
