Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
