if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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