he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
