A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
