dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
