its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
