i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
