You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
