there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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