There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
