Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
