well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
