matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
