people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
