jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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