I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
