So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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