Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
