I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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