I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
