My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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