Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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