so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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