Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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