I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
