There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
