The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
