I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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