Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
