the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
