You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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