i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
