I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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