Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
