you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just pee around me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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