That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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