so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
