but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
