I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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