Apparently you make a good broom.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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