Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
