If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
In America we eat man semen.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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