yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
