I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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