I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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