Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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