My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize