I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
