Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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