Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
