I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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