Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize