He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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