I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
