Is it because I queefed?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
