i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
