Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize