I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
