I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You have to summon your inner elephant
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
