remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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