his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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