Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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