my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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