Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
