I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
