I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
