Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
