Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
