My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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