He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
