I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
