i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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