Buhtt sex?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
