dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
