i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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